 | Welcome back to school; the Idiot Edition By: Joe Smith |
Welcome back to school; the Idiot Edition
Welcome back to school future leaders of America, we have yet another year of school. Although this may sound dreary, everyone knows that college is the best time of your life – and with this being said, I am going to enjoy every moment of it. To help you maximize the time spent at college I have compiled a list of things to do, and some advice to help you get the wind back in your sail. This list, entitled, “How to ruin my mind, body, and soul (Idiot Edition)” will become your new checklist to survival, read it and let it seep into your skull.
How to ruin my mind, body, and soul (Idiot Edition)
Mind – Drinking excessive amounts of alcohol just doesn’t cut it anymore for us college students. Make sure that you consume 1 energy drink for every 2 beers you drink. This ratio shall not be broken by any means, and will get you wired beyond belief (anyone else think that Rockstar should be illegal?).
Cocktail Recipe: Makes for 1 “Heart Attack” – aka Jager Bombs (variation)
Ingredients:
1 Can of Redbull / Rockstar / Monster
2 shots of Vodka / Jägermeister
1 Solo Cup
Directions:
Pour about ¾ of the cup full with your favorite energry drink.
Next take a double shot of your preferred alcohol (listed above) and drop it into the cup-
Then drink the cup as fast as you can.
If you are not successful chugging the drink, then you can mix it together easily for the “save”
Body – Drunken abusiveness is encouraged. Fighting against a strong group of guys is not always the smartest thing to do, but it is a great way to show that hotty on the second floor who has more balls. You weigh in at a whopping 105 lbs, so theoretically the 230 lbs football player won’t hit you; you’re pathetic! … If he does, go to the cafeteria and get some napkins to wipe up your blood, then smear it on his car. Trust me, you will get on his good side.
Soul – Cheating can lead to expulsion…but it also can lead you to a 4.0. Although this is frowned upon in college, it is encouraged in this survival guide (everything is done in moderation). Selling your math exam is a brilliant way to increase your bank account, and prepare for your future. I also promote the use of your graphing calculator to store vital math formulas. To do this you can create a new “prgm” (program) and then you can enter the equation (including letters) and save it. Of course you can’t use this tactic if you’re not allowed to use a calculator on the exam, however this approach can be very useful (and discrete) on any other exam.
